Kirk’s entrance to the world (like everything else the guy’s done) was memorable. His mother went into labor in the back of a US space shuttle while it was being attacked by a Romulan mining ship which… really probably explains a lot about the guy. Certainly that he had a knack for impeccable timing. The day was not a happy one, however, seeing that his father was killed moments after his birth. James’s mother took him back to Earth to raise him on her home planet, where James blossomed into the perfect child. Okay… he was surprised his mother never had a heart attack.

James was always a rambunctious child, which frequently got him in trouble at school and home. Once he was a little older it began turning into brushes with the law, which he found more hilarious than he did concerning. He was forever being told he needed to apply himself, which he did… to drinking and flirting with woman. One particularly eventful bar visit led to him mouthing off Starfleet cadets, which started a fight that was interrupted by the Commander Pike. The Commander knew of James and persuaded him, no challenged him to enlist in the Starfleet Acadamy. He did it.

A few years later Kirk was beating the “unbeatable” Kobayashi Maru test, which okay.. sounded like a better plan in theory.. you know, when he wasn’t being put on trial for cheating which.. may or may not have… yeah, he cheated. He was suspended from the academy thanks to Spock, though rather than actually taking that suspension he stowed away on a ship called the Enterprise. Which.. was really to everyone’s benefit because who saved the Captain? He saved the Captain. (Alright, fine.. Spock helped. A little.) There was a patchy up and down period where Kirk was demoted and sent back to the academy.. and then promoted and then sent back to the ship, primarily tasked with the mission of killing John Harrison.

During the mission the ship suffered catastrophic damage however Kirk managed to save everyone by reactivating the warp car in a plan that nearly cost him his life. Dying from radiation poison, he gave a whole dramatic speech moment and everything and then Spock and co. had to go be assholes and save him (if they were going to save him, they should have told him so beore he admitted that he kind of sort of liked them all). A year later the gang was all back together, really to set off on a five year mission to explore the universe.

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